Tag: Morning Pages

mccomas, August 10, 2002 at 6:23:09 PM CEST

Morning Pages: August 5, 2002

Injustice and oppression are complex issues rooted in social policy, the environment and the economy. Social action workers understand people may experience problems as individuals but these difficulties can be translated into common concerns.

I find it so fascinating that oppression is maintained through isolation and division, yet the majority of people feel isolated and divided. How can that be? How can more people feel isolated and divided than don't feel those things? How come nobody talks about these things? Why in the world do we believe what the opporessors say to the point where we cannot talk about it, cannot reveal the truth about ourselves? how come we live day after day after day with this pain of separation, never whispering, speaking or howling of this pain?

Images of the teens at the writing camps are crowding my mind now. I see a young male, not quite sitting at the table, not quite sitting away from the table. His body is turned towards the window as if he is poised for flight. I see a young woman, dressed in the uniform of her culture, open enough to write of what she doesn't like, yet frightened enough of saying the words out loud, calling upon a friend to finish reading for her. I see a latecomer, a tall young woman with cascading wavy light brown hair hanging down around her face, which is always looking down, as if it were a brocade drapery pulled to keep things out or maybe to keep things in. I see their words splashed cross page after page screaming about this loneliness, this isolation, this desperate way of life. I see these teen years as the time when we learn that one doesn't talk about certain things except we know from their writing that not talking about htem doesn't make them go away. And so these unspeakable things churn beneath the surface causing internal damage slowly, steadily, until somehow, someway, we each find our own way of speaking about the unspeakable pain. That voice, the one that spoke about my unspeakable pain, was alcohol and for ten years, alcohol abuse spoke my pain. When finally the pain caused by the new voice became greater than the pain it spoke of, I had no choice - it was either die or speak for myself, of my own isolation, my own loneliness - which had grown larger while the alcohol was on watch.

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mccomas, August 10, 2002 at 6:11:31 PM CEST

Morning Pages: August 4, 2002

It's 10:50 am. I'm sitting at Borders, two hours after I left home this morning. I came here hoping to meet Beth and write. I've been here since 10:00 am, have finished a cappuccino, looked at two Michigan guidebooks, reviewed Tom Romano, and am just now settling down to write.

My purpose this morning is to think about the social action process, perhaps with regard to the Summer Institute, perhaps not. According to the CSA, the Social Action worker is to facilitate a group through the 5 step social action process. As a social action worker I am a facilitator, not a provider. The participants are not just consumers but are active agents for change.

I am a facilitator, not a provider. I am a facilitator, not the keeper of knowledge. I am a facilitator.

CSA goes on to suggest that social action workers must be able to plan and prepare well, be creative, to listen actively, be patient, be disciplined, be interested in people's lives.

These aren't too hard, or are they impossible? It seems so easy to do on the surface, but I'm reminded of my "shut up," "let go," and "listen" mantra. Those things are not easy for me to do because I always want to butt-in, take over, or some other non-facilitative-like activity. It is really difficult to Trust the Process, especially under certain conditions - and one of those conditions is when the 'community' is not expecting a facilitator but is expecting a provider. When expecting a provider, people can be rather shocked to discover a facilitator has arrived instead.

So, in what ways have I facilitated? In what ways have I stepped over the line to provide? Clearly, all the writing we do in the summer institute is facilitative...it helps people discover what they think, what they know. The use of prompts is facilitative, not providing. We negotiated the final product and while I worry that Toodie and I said too much, nobody can really say they didn't have a voice. What they could say would be that they chose not to exercise their voice, which is different from not having a voice.

How have we tried to ensure social justice, fairness, and equality in our work? We've modeled? This one is hard - I'll try more later.

The summer institute is good at the second principle, recognizing that teachers are the experts on teaching and using teachers to teach other teachers. We also know that who we are as teachers are only stories that each of us can tell. We cannot, dare not, leave it to others to tell our stories because nobody knows our individual stories as well as we do and nobody can be as committed to tell our stories as we are. I have the most interest in telling my story because I want it told right and I want it told true.

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mccomas, August 3, 2002 at 4:11:38 PM CEST

Morning Pages: August 1, 2002

Injustice and oppression are complex issues rooted in social policy, the environment and the economy. Social action workers understand people may experience problems as individuals but these difficulties can be translated into common concerns.

This reminds me of the five social institutions Jeanette spoke of the other day. She said something about these five institutions (education, religion, government, economics, and family) driving society and cultuer and that change must occur within one of those frameworks in order for it to be institutionalized and accepted as standard. At least I think that's what she was saying. Although it made sense to me at the time when I was listening, I find now that my attempt to articulate this construct is clumsy, most likely inaccurate, and certainly filled with holes.

If change must be embraced by one of the five major institutions in order for it to become mainstream that means that until a critical mass of people within one of those institutions embrace a change iti s still a grass roots effort. When the numbers embracing the change reach a certain amount, a tipping point, then the change is adopted as standard practice.

Hmmmm...

So change still starts from the ground up. Even in government, changes begin as an idea in first one person's mind, then another person's, and so on until the tipping point is reached and the change becomes standard practice or legislated. When this happens, particularly with legislation, people suggest that the change is of a top-down, imposed or mandated, nature. BUT, and I think this is critical to social action work, even things that are mandated or legislated begin as an idea in the mind of just one person. So, while it's sometimes easier to throw my hands up in despair and claim powerlessness as my excuse for inacativity or passivity, the fact is that I am only powerless if I choose to be. I could, instead, choose to create situations where change can happen, work toward reaching a critical mass. I can take action, be an agent of change. I can share with one person, who can share with another, and so on...just the way a virus spreads, first linearly, then non-linearly to epidemic proportions. I can begin to spread the virus I believe in, hoping that if I come in contact with people who are susceptible, perhaps because they find their own situation to be a miserable one or just perhaps because they want to change one person's life, they will catch the virus and then spread it around. I have to realize that not everyone I come in contact with will catch the virus. Some will be resistant to this particular strain at this particular time. That does not matter, nor will it stop my attempts. And, if by some chance I keep running into resistance to the virus that will be a signal to me to reconsider, again, the beliefs.

So, all this to say, "Hell yes, one person can make a difference!" My friend has this quote by her office door:

To the world, you are just one person. To one person, you just might be the world.

That says it all. As a social action worker I may help create opportunities and help others to recognize opportunities where change can occur. It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be grand. It simplyl has to be a change.

Back to those five institutions that started this rant. They are all complex institutions with many faces. They engage in social affairs in both positive and negative ways. They are good when they remember where their power comes from; bad when they forget "of the people, by the people, and for the people."

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mccomas, August 3, 2002 at 3:46:47 PM CEST

Morning Pages: July 24, 2002

I didn't really talk yesterday about my social action project. What really stood out to me yesterday was how the focus of most people's work is about people; not necessarily content, but real human emotions, a recognition of the pain and isolation so many of our young students feel (no matter what level).

As for me, I'm not certain where I fit. I'm looking at the social action principles and trying to fit my work into one of them because I really don't want to start something brand new (except I might have to).

One of my jobs is to document the work of the site - perhaps another is to be the Social Action facilitator - to facilitate this group through the 5 step process - as they work through solving a problem (or at least thinking about solving a problem) in their own teaching practice.

I'm struggling with some tensions then. The tension of being a facilitator of the process, an agent for change, but here I am a member of this group - where CSA suggests working alongside, not becoming group member of group leader. It's hard for me to find the space I need to be in and to stay w/in that space - I keep overstepping my boundaries-moving the lines a little-and while I don't think this really hurts anything-it does change the boundaries and I need to be aware of that.

So a second tension is where and how - damn, I went off chasing another thought in my mind and completely forgot what it was that I wanted to characterize as the second tension. Perhaps the second tension then could refer to the fact that social action within the classroom has some pre-set boundaries - certain rules that are already in place (grading, etc.) and that means that there is a strong issue of power to deal with. Despite what we might like to happen, we aren't all created equal in the classroom because the teacher has the power - but, let me think this out a little bit...The fact that the teacher has power is cultural not necessarily real; teacher has power because things like grades are important to students. If we were to value different things, then power could be shifted.

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mccomas, August 3, 2002 at 3:22:40 PM CEST

Morning Pages: July 31, 2002

All people have rights, including the right to be heard, the right to define the issues facing them and the right to take action on their own behalf. People also have the right to define themselves and not have negative labels imposed upon them.

I wish I had my social action notebook here today because I had this fabulous quote about naming things...I'll just have to bring it tomorrow [inserted below]:

To exist humanly is to name the world, to change it. Once named, the world in its turn reappears to be the namers as a problem and requires of them a new meaning. Human beings are not built in silence, but in word, in work, in action-reflection. (p. 69)

This reminds me about the time that I decided to change the way I taught - shifting first from teacher centered to student centered and then shifting again to a subject centered classroom. These shifts changed the terrain of my classroom drastically - requiring much more work on the students' parts and much more responsibility. Early on there was a lot of resistance to this shift. When I planned a class to revolve around discussion they sat mute. When I explained a writing assignment, they were without questions until two days before the assignment was due (or sometimes even until the night before the assignment was due as evidenced by my receiving panic emails beginning late the night before the assignment due date). When I asked them to write for ten minutes without stopping, they wrote for three and then stopped.

What I realized later was that I was forcing a change over which they had no control. In effect, because my teaching paradigm changed I was forcing a change in their learning paradigm. Their resistance was their attempt to "name their world" and they were exercising their right to take action on their own behalf. I realized then that my efforts to change were going to be difficult, if not impossible, unless students bought into my way of thinking. I wasn't ready to give up on them and I wasn't ready to give up on me. Here was one of those magical times when simply asking the students was a wise thing to do. I learned that what I perceived as resistance was really fear. What I perceived as a desire to take the easy way out was really a desire to do their best work and that they believed the old paradigm brought about their best work. I learned that they had little confidence in themselves as writers of anything, that they didn't think they had anything important to say or that anyone would listen. I learned that they didn't think they were learning by doing it my way (and I learned later that they didn't realize how much they were learning because it was different).

The point of all this is that when people are thrust into an unfamiliar place they react, often in a negative way; but, when people are invited into a space they have the choice to enter. In my own teaching I can only invite and it is up to my students as to whether or not they come in. I found that by showing them around the place first and telling them the reasons behind what I do, a lot more students voluntarily accepted my invitations. True, some of them only accepted because their "mother" told them too (since not accepting the invitation would result in a lower grade). The fact is that nobody has to come to my parties; but if they come, they have to accept the guests and the games and even what kind of cake we're having. Sure, once they are there I can accept suggestions such as playing badminton instead of dodge ball. Sure, we could run out to the store to get vanilla ice cream because someone doesn't like chocolate.

I think my overall point is we all have rights, yet with those rights come responsibilities and with choices come consequences. It's really up to each of us how to navigate through this notion of freedom...how to live with our choices and how to be open to change...

Change...an interesting concept to explore....

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mccomas, August 3, 2002 at 3:03:01 PM CEST

Morning Pages: July 30, 2002

We believe all people have skills, experience and understanding that they can draw on to tackle the problems they face. Social action workers understand that people are experts in their own lives and we use this as a starting point for our work.

[stuff written and scribble out]

False start above, couldn't say what I meant. I know Amy is sitting next to me breaking down the word "expert" and I must say I feel a bit tempted to look that word up (Expert: very skillful; having much training and knowledge in some special field). So, this means that my students are the experts in their lives, not me, and if I start where they are in teaching I will only know where they are by asking them. I like how this talks about our job as "...to help uncover what is already there." Reminds me of Nohad, who once wrote about "unfolding our personalities."

This principle may well be the one I've spent much time working toward. I can remember countless conversations with Charles. I would moan and groan about something going on in one of my classes, vocalize some kind of "I wonder..." question, be lost in thought as though I was pondering the imponderable. Into my deep, philosophical reverie Charles' voice would crawl, "Have you asked them?"

"Damn," I'd think, "why does he always remember to do that part of it and I need to be told every time?"

He assures me and reminds me that he doesn't always remember that sometimes I, or Shirley, have to remind him to ask his students.

It's such a novel idea, almost embarrassingly complex in its simplicity. And what happens when you ask? Students tell you - people I've never heard speak in a class suddenly start talking to me in classes where they were previously mute. My students have much to offer me, if I can just let go every so slightly, if only for the briefest of moments.

So, what does this all say to me about teaching? It says, "Let go." It says, "Shut up." It says, "Listen."

And, in the quiet space between an inhalation and an exhalation, where the diaphragm sits at rest, I will hear my students' voices and by hearing them, acknowledging them, I'm affirming their worth as people who have something to say that I'm interested in. This, then, begins a cycle of positive behaviors, which help the student take risks and figure out who and what they are. In taking these risks, my students will use their insights and knowledge base to form the basis for the stories they can tell about who they are and where they've been.

All well and good, so how do I get to the point when I am able, truly, to start where each student is? What if my class ranges widely in terms of technology skills or varied widely in emotional maturity or varied widely in knowledge base? In college it seems as though I need to sometimes teach basic skills along with the content of whatever course they are enrolled in. This is grossly unfair to the cream of the crop and those between the cream and the bottom. So, everyone in the class works at the level the bottom needs, regardless of where they are academically.

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mccomas, August 3, 2002 at 6:42:13 AM CEST

Morning Pages: July 29, 2002

Social action workers are committed to social justice. We strive to challenge inequality and oppression in relation to race, gender, sexuality, age, religion, class, disability or any other form of social differentiation.

How do I construct a socially just teaching and learning environment? This principle talks about inequality and oppression, raising images of great freedom fighters and great freedom fights. The freedom fights in my classroom are not on such a grand scale, but this doesn't make them any less important. In some ways, illuminating the small examples of inequality and oppression can pave the way to removing the big examples.

What are the issues of fairness, equality, and justice I face in my teaching practice? I strive to ensure that students have (equal?) access to the information sources necessary to complete the course. I strive to ensure that my students practice the art of critical thinking as this is necessary to raising independent thinkers who can commit themselves to a cause of social justice. I strive to find a space where all the voices in the class will be heard. By this I mean that I provide different spaces and places for students voices to be heard: small in-class groups during classtime, small group conferences outside of class time to individual conference. I never really thought consciously about this - intuitively I was seeking to raise all the voices. Teaching students how to interact with their peers and professionals is another way I open the door to equality, fairness, and justice. I think here of a former faculty member whose dark humor and silencing sarcasm shut down the voices in her classroom - thus creating an atmosphere of oppression.

I'm really struggling for some coherence here, evidence of two things. First, evidence of how complex these issues of equality, fairness, and justice are. Secondly, evidence that I need to do some more serious thinking and writing about this. I need to better understand how these concepts (fairness, equality, justice) evidence themselves in my teaching practice; how do they evidence themselves in me? Is it reasonable to assume that I first need to explore these ona personal level before I can explore them beyond the personal?

One of the many things I worry about a great deal is not being able to be aware of those times when I'm not being fair, equitable, and just. I mean, I think I operate on a level that wants to be these things but buried within me are layers and layers of prejudices that I don't even recognize. The other day I used the term "Indian-giver." I sometimes find myself saying things, expressions that are common, and then realizing they are unjust and unfair. Some I don't even realize as unjust or unfair. For example, does the term "jerry-rig" refer to a group of people ("jerries") and were those people Germans, Nazis? I clearly need to brush up on my history because those are terms I learned from the language of my home and my culture. I think there may be many things I say that might prove to be offensive to someone.

So, what are the implications of all this? Awareness and accountability...just as I should keep students aware of and accountable for their behaviors and actions that are not fair, equitable, or just...they must also make me aware of and accountable for what I say and do. And this leads to an interesting tension that the CSA folks do not have to deal with. How is it possible for my students to make me accountable when I give the grades?

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